Wedding

Weddings in Turkey today vary from a simple matter at the Registrar to an elaborate weekend event that includes henna parties, plenty of dancing, and tons of relatives from near and far! The Turkish state only recognises marriages conducted by a legally competent authority, usually a representative from the Registrar, while a religious wedding ceremony may follow but is not necessary to make the marriage legally binding. In smaller towns and villages, weddings involve the whole population usually, so it becomes a truly festive affair.

Traditional wedding ceremonies and the period leading up to the marriage naturally differ in different regions across Turkey, but here is a general idea:

Pre-wedding:
Before the happy couple can say their “I do’s” they have to meet. While people can and increasingly do wed the person of their own choosing, there was, and to a certain extent still is something called “arranged” marriages, although this has also somewhat changed with the times (more like arranged introductions than marriages). But traditionally, the family of the groom-to-be (read mother and other women relatives) scoped out the best, most suitable young woman and pointed her out to the young man. If the prospective groom liked what he saw and heard, the family decided to visit the home of the young woman and ask her father for her hand in marriage, and word was sent to test the waters. If it seemed favourable, the visit took place. In the past, the father or a male guardian of the young woman (or girl) often decided whether the union would take place or not, but nowadays the prospective bride’s opinion is usually sought.

Once both sides agree, the prospective bride and groom may put on promise rings, or engagement rings if an engagement party is not planned. This is also the time the families talk about the dates of the engagement party (if one is to be held) and the wedding; traditionally, the bride’s side pays for the engagement party and any and all expenditures, while the groom’s side pays for the wedding. This would also be when the bride price was discussed; although not practised so much anymore, this was an amount the groom’s side would have to pay to the bride’s family before the wedding could take place. The bride price was supposedly payment to recompense the young woman’s family for all the expenditures made in her upbringing. This tradition is observed less and less nowadays.

These days the groom’s family visits the bride’s family and brings along chocolates and flowers; the bride and groom usually know each other and have already agreed to wed, so the visit is in keeping with tradition rather than a formality, although in some regions tradition is still observed as such. After the bride’s hand in marriage has been sought and a favourable response obtained, the bride-to-be prepares Turkish coffee for everyone, and in some regions in Turkey makes the groom-to-be’s coffee with salt instead of sugar, and he is supposed to drink it with a straight face to show he is ready for anything in their future marriage.

Once the future couple is engaged, they now have opportunities to get to know one another if they were not previously acquainted with each other. This is also the time to make preparations for the upcoming wedding. Upon getting to know one another better, the prospective bride and groom may also decide to call off the wedding, although this is not something anyone really prefers. But if all goes well, the next step is marriage, which is a two-tiered event.

The wedding consists of the henna night and the actual wedding ceremony. In villages everyone is invited to the wedding, and in towns people in the neighbourhood may be invited, in addition to family and friends.

First comes the henna night. This is a celebration organized either at the home of the bride or groom, or at a venue, depending on the number of people invited. While this may be an event attended only by women in some regions (like a hen night), in other places families, friends and relatives all gather for the occasion, which takes place the night before the wedding ceremony.

Henna is a flowering plant; its leaves are dried and ground into a powder, which you’ll easily find in any spice shop or even the local open-air markets, usually in sacks. Henna is a spice shop staple, not only because women in Turkey use it also to dye their hair, but because it is used on myriad other occasions including sending off a son to do his military service, or to mark sacrificial animals during the Festival of Sacrifice. The common theme here, or in other words what henna signifies is commitment; commitment of a woman to a man, a man to his country, a sacrificial animal to god.

On the day the henna night is to take place, women from the groom’s side of the family bring over the henna to the bride’s home, and a woman who is happily married kneads the henna, mixing it with water. (Later, the same woman will be in charge of applying the henna to the bride and distributing it among the guests.) When the actual festivities begin, the bride is usually sat in the centre with a red tulle veil covering her head, and guests begin to circle around her and sing songs about the sadness of leaving home and missing the family left behind. The henna is brought in on a tray, surrounded by lit candles—by the happily married woman—and either the bride is hennaed first and then the guests, or vice versa. Again, the happily married woman places a walnut-sized lump of henna in the palm of one of the bride’s hands, and an unmarried young woman does the same for the other. Coins or gold coins may also be placed in the palm before the henna (to signify prosperity), and either gloves are slipped on, or the henna and coin are secured in place with a piece of cloth. The bride’s feet and hair may also be hennaed if she so wishes. Food, drink and sweets are also usually served, and music and dancing follows.

Next day is the wedding ceremony. Frantic activity is the norm during the day, as both bride and groom prepare for the wedding; brides may go to the hairdresser to get their hair done and their bridal veil affixed, while grooms may visit the barber for an old-fashioned shave. If it is to be a spring or summer village wedding, lighting may be set up in an empty lot, and chairs and tables arranged for an open-air event. Music will also be a must. Dinner and drinks will also most likely be served. A traditional favourite wedding dish prepared throughout Turkey is keshkek, made from wheat and either lamb or chicken meat, usually cooked in a number of large cauldrons for the guests. Here is a recipe for a smaller number of people http://www.scribd.com/doc/16248075/kekek.

Traditionally male members of the groom’s family would go over to the bride’s home, seat her on a horse or mule and bring her over to the groom’s home right before the wedding. The wedding would usually involve a religious ceremony that is not legally binding (and forbidden by law since 1926 to take place before the civil ceremony), and the civil ceremony might follow later. Lately, and especially as women increasingly realise that only a religious ceremony on its own confers on them and their children no rights in the eyes of the law, a civil ceremony is increasingly being demanded. Also harsher punitive measures are now in place for people who conduct the religious ceremony prior to the civil service, as well as for those who seek this service prior to the civil ceremony. The civil ceremony can be arranged to take place at the venue where the celebration will be held, or some prefer to have a quiet affair at the Registrar prior to the wedding party and concentrate on the fun part later.